Just came back from IGIMS. Dadi is admitted in ICU but she’s recovering well. It was weird seeing her. The same person who used to keep everyone in check is now lying there, unaware of her surroundings. Such is life. Last few days have been chaotic and I feel drained out.
My nightmares have started again and I am struggling a lot these days. Can’t even explain the fear I feel. While I sleep for 7 hours, I wake up quite frequently in the middle of the night gasping for air. I see dreams which makes no sense either. I try to write them down in my Keep notes but they are weird enough to not share with anyone. Last night it was me and my wrists were cut and my hands were bleeding. I was having a heated argument with someone and then I saw my own hands and got scared and woke up. It was around 2AM. I am thinking of starting melatonin or magnesium again. Maybe they might help.
Why Rare as the title? It has something to do with how my thoughts have changed over these years. In my teen years, I was so fascinated about the universe and everything that it holds - the moon, the galaxies, nebulas and everything else. I used to read so many books and watch so many documentaries about space. I used to find space extremely beautiful and fascinating. That it is so rare. But as I am growing older, I have started to feel more gratitude for the things around me. Think for a second, we say black holes are rare, gas giants are rare but cosmically speaking trees, the life around us are more rarer. The flowers, the butterflies and many more. The atoms in a nebula are common but the arrangement of those same atoms in a living tree, a bird, a bee is what fascinates me now. The laugh of a loved one is rare. The trust and kindness to a random stranger is rare. A simple act of compassion is rare. Somebody coming to save you when you are at your lowest is rare. This fascinates me more than the stars now.
I am about to finish reading a couple of books and they were insightful. I will write about them in the future posts. Also, about to reach 20% body fat in a couple of weeks and I am loving it. I have to get it down to 15% though which I think should be achievable by Oct-November. I can hear the rain now so I will close my laptop and head to bed. Don’t know if tonight will be any different than the last couple of nights. I hope it ends soon.
